How do you feel loved?

In the collision of human ugliness and divine beauty, beauty wins.                                Beauty will save the world.

- Brian Zahnd

As I commuted into NYC this morning I became overcome (tears streaming down my face) with feelings of love for compassion for this "beauty" that Brian talks about.

Despite this stuff being the cream of the crop of what I do and how I live my life - literally my job is to look for people to love and figure out how to love them well - it's still super easy for me to get stuck in the task of the day.

So, as I exited Penn station today, I just had to stop and lean against a street sign.

"God, it's such a privilege that I get to do this life that I do, how do you want it to look today?"

And this is what I got:

Look for people to love and then ask them what is the best way you can love them right now where they are.

Money, stuff, food, resources, time, conversation, etc.

Well, that's different.

Obviously, they are homeless, they have not what I possess, so naturally, the first thing I see that they need is what I feel I would need; food, coffee, money, blanket, coat, things...

At the entrance to the NQRW trains in Harold Square, there sits a woman whom I have seen before. I've said hello as often as I could make eye contact, offered resources, coffee, breakfast, and they like - but the key word here, I've offered each time - limiting her options to my comforts at the time.

So today, I decided to try what I felt like God was urging, so I knelt down and offered nothing besides this greeting:

"Goodmorning, what is the absolute best way that I can love you this morning. I pass by here often, I've said hi before, but this morning I have time, I have money, I have resources, a hug, conversation, anything.

What would make you feel loved above any other thing?"

"Hmm.." with the nodding of her head taking it in... "Really, the fact that you stopped and talked to me is the something that no one does. That's all I need".

Feeling like she didn't get it fully, I then offered again, "I have money, are you hungry, coffee, do you need any stuff???"

"Really, just that you would stop and say hello is all I needed. Thank you."

Great... and soul-crushing at the same time, simply for the fact that I watched her for about 2 minutes before I approached, and during that time, no less than 400 people walked by.

Sitting just 1 block over from that 'Miracle on 34th Street' fame, just outside of the gaze of millions that take in Macy's beautiful and mesmerizing holiday windows, sits a woman that simply longs for a "hello" ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE.

So, my friends, this Christmas season (and all the other seasons that follow), as we wrestle with the ugliness of pain/lostness in everything around us, please, don't miss out on the simplicity of a simple "hello" to those you see.

Beauty will save the world.

Love leads to beauty.

The problem though is I cannot define what you need from the outside looking in - you have to open up a little bit and let me know.

So, the question is, what is the best way that you feel loved?

Don't assume that the people around you know that.

Let them know - and ask the same of them.

For me, it's with a hug or a word of encouragement.

What's yours? Please share.

Much love to you my friends!

Have a wonderful day!

*Feel free to share this if you think it will be helpful for others!


Husband life.

Husband life. One of my favorite things (thus the name and website), but oy vey, despite it being my favorite thing about my life, it still kicks my butt on the regular. Maybe it’s because of the trust - or despite the trust - my wife tends to be the one that gets both the best and worst versions of me... sometimes within the same day.

And I know it’s not limited to a “me” thing.

I follow along with and glean from the marriages of those around me. For better and worse.

I strive for the successes seen in others couple’s shining moments, and pump the breaks as I feel like I’m approaching the same mistakes I see others make.

Just today as I’m spending the day of this vacation week seeking the deepest part of my attention to detail in feeding my wife’s love of a clean house through acts of service, here on Insta I gain energy by reading @ashleegadd ‘s latest post, husbandry FTW!

But, I’m also reminded of my friend’s woes as expressed through a random Instagram vulnerability confession.

Marriage is great because by default it means that you have someone else to do life with, so great, and my favorite part, she’s my best friend.

But, sometimes I’m a jerk. Sometimes I say super rude words. Sometimes I am lazy. Other times I don’t communicate well, and all of that adds to full plate of a woman whose brain can’t turn off until all of the checklists are completed.

So, today is a day of acknowledgement and moving forward.

I’m here for the long game and I’ll keep learning and sharing.

Today it’s through vulnerability and truth, but also through friends and by putting really good examples in my ear as I check to-dos off of my checklist. 🙂

How can I be praying for your relationship?

Maybe you don’t want to share publicly or maybe your down with that. 
Feel free to message me. I truly care to know.

I’ll reply as long as it doesn’t interfere with family time. ❤️

Also, who do you follow or look up to in the relationship category? Please share!

Also this is a post that can be shared. My hope and dream is that by speaking the vulnerable stuff in life that most people bury, that it will possibly bring hope and then healing to those around me.

Much love my friends!